


You Are A Winchester

by thegirlwholikestowrite



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Adoption, Canon-Typical Violence, Graphic Description, Gun Violence, Original Character(s), Original Female Character(s) - Freeform, Protective Dean Winchester, Third Winchester, Winchester Sister
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-06
Updated: 2015-03-15
Packaged: 2018-03-16 13:53:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 16,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3490769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegirlwholikestowrite/pseuds/thegirlwholikestowrite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leah, rasied as a hunter, finds out about family; Winchester. It seems like a long way to go, but Winchester brothers are quick to accept Leah, facing many hardships along the way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. You Are A Winchester

I closed the door and latched it shut. I was about to go back to my room to get some rest when my hand brushed a piece of paper. I kneeled down and picked it up, my arm still sore from yesterday’s hunt. The handwriting was oddly familiar. I took the note to my room and tossed it on my bed. It was late at night, probably past midnight and I was hoping to get some rest before the shooting practice, but the note caught my attention. I quietly went to Derrick’s room and looked through the drawer he kept the letters from other hunters. I looked through them quickly, recognizing the handwriting, I picked up the letter. It was from John Winchester. When I came back to my room, the note was gone. I reached for my gun out of habit and paused, listening for a movement. With the whisper of a footstep behind me, I staggered backwards and lashed out blindly, feeling my skin connect with muscled flesh. He took a step back and held his nose, clearly puzzled. Before he knew what was happening I pinned him to the wall, my arm firm under his chin.   
“Who are you? What are you doing in my house?”  
“Leah? Leah, right?”  
I nodded, feeling more uncomfortable now that he knew my name.  
“I am Dean Winchester, hunter. I am not going to hurt you, I promise. Just... take it easy okay?”  
I loosened my grip as he gave me a look of genuine concern. He rubbed his throat and turned to face me.  
“Not bad. You almost got me there? Who trained you?”  
“Why are you here?”  
He breathed deeply, as if he was getting ready to lecture a teenager that was home past curfew. He sounded tired… and worn. For a hunter, that was very normal, but it felt different for him. Like he was drained of life, which made me question his presence in my room more.  
“Do you want to know why I know your name?”  
His eyes were somehow familiar, they were green and bright. Just like mine.  
“Of course I do.”  
“Well it is a very long story. Why don’t you come with me? I know someone that can explain.”  
I felt like his voice was someone I heard from. My thoughts were clouded but those eyes were very clear. I knew how I remembered him. Dean Winchester. They sometimes were there when I was spending the week at Bobby’s, which still didn’t explain why he was here, but it was enough for me.   
“I remember you. You… you and you brother… what was his name? Sam?”  
His face lit up, unmistakably he remembered me too. A smile replaced his worried and worn out look as he took a step towards me. It was very evident he was happy I recalled him.  
“Yeah. You used to stay at Bobby’s too. Your dad a hunter?”  
I laughed, instead of the usual snort, a puff came out, sounding like I was in pain.  
“I don’t have a family. Derrick just somehow happens to be my legal guardian. He told me to not ask questions, so I don’t. He said I will be getting some answers when I was ready. He trained me, taught me everything I know. So yeah, we could say he is like a father to me.”  
He smiled knowingly, sadness mixed with worry in his eyes. He turned to me.  
“So, are you going to …you know, come with me?”  
“I think I can trust you. But I don’t know. I just want some answers.”  
“It is okay. Yes , you can trust me. I know someone who can give you the answers you want… need. Just come with me okay? It is a lot to take in after all.”  
I stopped dead on the spot.   
“What is that supposed to mean?”  
“Leah, just… please. You will find out soon. Pack your stuff. I will be waiting in the car.”  
He shot me a one last look as he exited the room. I heard the familiar click of the door closing and quickly looked around the room for my stuff. A shotgun Derrick gave me when I first learned to shoot, a light jacket, a flask of holy water and my phone. I had nothing else to pack. I put on my boots as I grabbed the bag. I swallowed heavily, thinking of what I was doing. Trusting someone I barely knew, just because he showed up in my house in the middle of the night. The fact that he was a hunter calmed me a little. After all, we were supposed to look after each other. I rushed out the door and didn’t bother to lock it. Dean was waiting in a vintage, black car. I threw my bag in the backseat and I found myself sitting in the front seat of some stranger’s car.  
“You ready?”  
I silently nodded, staring off the road, along the hills that we found a vampire’s nest in. I was only 12 when we hunted them. It was funny I had childhood memories with vampires.   
“So, Dean. Where are we going?”  
“First, we will pick up Sam, and then we will see Bobby.”  
I played with my phone for a while, but the silence grew much more uncomfortable.  
“You should get some sleep. It will be a long day. Impala is not the comfiest bed in the world but it does the job for us.”  
I appreciatively nodded. He should have noticed that something was bugging me more than the place I would be sleeping so he turned to me, clearing his throat.  
“I am not really like this you know. I am a lot easier to spend time with. I am funnier. I don’t want you to get the idea that I am a tired, pathetic loser.”  
“Hunters aren’t losers.”  
“They aren’t winners either. Or that’s just how my life is. Anyway, don’t get the impression of me being boring.”  
I tried to smile, but I was very tired and I was asleep before I knew it. When I opened my eyes Dean was in a deep and quiet conversation with whom I assumed was Sam. My back was stiff from staying in one position for too long and they stopped talking when they saw me wake up.  
“Hey. Good morning, Sleeping Beauty. Want some coffee?”  
I hated coffee. The smell of it made my stomach churn. I shook my head and Dean shrugged. In the morning sun, I got to see him better. He was firm and muscular, expected from a hunter, he seemed at ease, even though his eyes cried out in pain. He had a weary expression, which he tried to disguise with coffee. It wasn’t working. His hands gripped the steering wheel tight, like he was afraid to let go. All my life, I tried to analyze people. I was good at it. But Dean Winchester was a whole new story.  
“Are we there yet?”  
He motioned at the sign “Singer Salvage Yard.” I straightened myself and rubbed my eyes sheepishly. I had been here so many times before, it felt like home. I was far from home, family, but I felt calm and relaxed. Sam quickly waved hello as he walked past me to catch up to Dean. I fallowed them into the house where the familiar smell of alcohol and old books welcomed me. Bobby told us to sit and brought beers for each of us. Knowing it wouldn’t do any good to my empty stomach, I politely refused.  
“How are you doing, Leah? Everything okay with you?”  
“Just got back from a hunt, I feel great. What about you? Feeling old yet?”  
He chuckled quietly. I noticed the way Dean sat, his face between his hands, kneeling over. He looked nervous and impatient.  
“I am sure Dean explained why you are here.-“  
I looked at Dean who grew tense when Bobby mentioned it. I shook my head.  
“No, actually. He didn’t say anything. He said you would explain, that you had some answers.”   
He sighed deeply and looked at me with concern discernible in his eyes. I looked around the room for something familiar so I could get rid of that painful feeling in my stomach that I had when bad things usually happened. I saw Sam directly looking at me, his arms crossed, not with anger but with anticipation. Dean got up a little bit too fast, which made me dizzier than before.  
“Leah. I know you have questions and I am ready to give them to you. But… the reason we are doing this now is…we got a letter from John couple of days ago, telling us the truth about you and how you deserved to know the truth.”  
“John? Winchester?  
He slowly nodded. John was a really good friend of Derrick, so it made sense that he would know the truth behind me and my family. What didn’t make sense was that to my information, John Winchester died a long time ago. I looked back at Bobby only to find him staring back at me, expecting at least a demand for more answers.  
“John Winchester is dead. How could he send letters to us?”  
“Well, Leah. He was a hunter you know. Letters to be sent later in time is not unfamiliar to us. What I don’t get is why now?”  
“Well, I don’t care. Just tell me who my family is.”  
He swallowed hard, looked over at Dean who was now standing with his arms crossed, just like me. The resemblance made me uncomfortable so I shifted, putting my hands to my sides.   
“Is no one going to say anything?”  
I could see how hard it was for them, but it was harder for me. All my life all I did was to wait and now I had gotten the opportunity to actually find my family, I had to wait again. I was not going to be patient anymore as anger boiled up inside me.   
“Well, I don’t have all day Bobby. Are you going to tell me who my family is? Or was? All my life, all I did was to wait. Now I have a chance and you are hesitating?”  
“Your family… well, most of them are still alive.”  
“What do you mean “most”?”  
Dean walked up behind me and put his hand on my shoulder, it felt nice, it was warm and comforting and familiar. It felt really nice.  
“Leah… Your mom died when you were 6 months old. Her name was Mary. Your father is John. Your brothers are Sam and Dean. You are a Winchester.”


	2. Shotgun Picks the Music, Driver Shuts His Cakehole

I looked at the small bird, nibbling a crumb of bread. It got my thoughts off of what I had just found out. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be a part of a family. The thing was I did not think I would have been welcomed. Dean sat next to me, on the hood of the black, shiny car. He was a mystery to me. His expression was warm, but not quite distinguishable. He puzzled me, made me feel at home, at peace. It was another mystery how he did both at the same time.  
“Hey… How are you, you know, coping with the news?”  
I forced a smile. I didn’t want to look ruder than I already was.  
“Better than I thought I would, at least. I am just confused, if you want to know the truth.”  
He smiled and turned to me, he seemed genuine.  
“What is it that bothers you, Your Highness?”  
“First of all, don’t call me that. Nothing bothers me. Nothing should bother me. I finally find out that I have a family after all these years of waiting, nothing should. I just wonder what’s going to happen next. It is just… I don’t even know myself.”  
“What do you mean what is going to happen next? We will take you home and you will pack up and we will hit the road. It is that simple.”  
“No, Dean it is not that simple. Why would it be simple?”  
“Because I am the older brother and I said so.”  
I rolled my eyes and looked away. Even if it was that simple, there was something still bugging me.   
“After mom’s death, why didn’t dad keep me? I mean, because I was a girl?”  
“Because he wanted you to have a better life than we did. He loved you more than you think he did, more than you think he ever could.”  
“No loving father abandons his daughter to a complete stranger and not visits even once. Is that your idea of a loving father, Dean?”  
“Look, I know he didn’t win any father of the year awards but he tried his best with you. You think he didn’t love you? Try me. Do you think he loved me? Look Leah, whatever happened, happened. We can’t change that. I want to be able to fix things. I want you to be a sister I never wanted. I want to hunt with you. I lost everything, everyone except Sam, Bobby, and now you. I just found you. Don’t make me lose you too… I will try my best to be a good, well annoying, brother, Your Highness.”  
He smirked when I lightly elbowed his shoulder. It seemed so natural, how we managed to express our feelings even though we were complete strangers that did not even know existed two days ago. I guess that was what family meant.   
“Where is Sam?”  
“He is packing our stuff from Bobby’s, probably getting some advice on how to be a good brother.”  
“Why would he bother asking Bobby when you are here?”  
He warmly smiled at my compliment, he knew I meant it. After Sam was back, we went straight home. I didn’t have much to pack, a couple of pairs of jeans, and all of Derrick’s hunting gear. Sorry, I will need something to hunt with. Upon seeing the guns, Dean quickly walked up to me, completely amazed by the shotguns and knives.  
“Wow. Where did you get these?”  
“From Derrick’s hunting stash, isn’t it obvious?”  
“I wonder how I failed to see you were a Winchester before; I mean, look at you.”  
When I finally managed to get the stupid, childish smile off my face, I started walking towards the house, maybe for the last time. As I was locking the door, Derrick’s car pulled at the driveway. Under Dean’s protective gaze, he gave me a half a smile and half a hug.  
“You deserved to know about it before, but I promised John. I am sorry.”  
“You were more of a father to me than he was. Thank you, for everything.”  
He nodded quietly. He said “go” but his eyes said “stay.” I felt guilty for leaving. He was old after all. He was going to end up like Bobby, not as put-together though. It worried me.   
“I can stay if you want me to. I… I feel bad for leaving you.”  
“I can’t keep you from going Leah. You found your family after all this time. You deserved it. Be a good girl, keep training. You were born to hunt Leah, go and make us proud.”  
He planted a small kiss on the top of my head, I regretted wanting to go. He turned to Sam and Dean.  
“You boys take care of my girl. If something happens to her, I swear I will hunt you both down and make vampire bait out of you.”  
They both laughed. He pulled me into a long hug, and lingered a little bit more after I let go. He waved goodbye and walked to the gate. Dean motioned the front seat to me after I put my stuff in the trunk.  
I looked towards Sam for his approval and he nodded a simple yes, and said he would get some sleep anyways. I shrugged and got in. Dean was driving fast but it didn’t bother me much. We all were closer to death before, a car accident didn’t scare any of us. When you are a hunter, death is your best friend after all. Dean must have gotten tired of the silence, he turned on the radio.   
“Dean, can you turn this off? I need to sleep.” Sam grunted. He wasn’t in his best mood, clearly.  
“No, Sam. House rules; driver picks the music, shotgun-“  
He turned to me, and smiled.  
“Rule change. Shotgun picks the music, driver shuts his cakehole.”  
I swear I could hear Sam smiling, but I didn’t dare to check.   
“It is fine. I am already a burden to you; you don’t have to treat me so nicely you know.”  
“You are not a burden, for starters. Yes I don’t have to treat you nicely. Should I tease you more often Your Highness, is that what’s expected from a brother?” He said with mock anger.  
“If you call me that one more time, I will personally shoot you in the face.”  
He chuckled quietly, that’s when I saw his necklace, hanging over his chest. It looked ancient, but I couldn’t recall what it really was. I remembered seeing it in a book at Bobby’s.  
“What’s that?” I pointed at the golden figure at the tip of a black chain.   
“That? It was a gift from Sammy. It was Christmas and Dad was gone. I brought Sammy some presents from a nearby house but they didn’t turn out nearly as special as this. I have always regretted that. I wish we had a real Christmas just for once. I wish we could have been kids.”  
“You stole presents for Sam?”  
He nodded, sighing deeply as he held the steering wheel tighter.   
“When you are a hunter, you don’t get to be a kid. But Sam was, because of you. Don’t think so low of yourself Dean. You are hero. I mean, this is what you were meant to do.”  
“I wasn’t meant to do anything.”  
The car grew quiet. Dean didn’t talk at all, Sam was sleeping. I wondered if how it would be from now on. I wondered if I had made a bad choice. I could see it now, what Dean was made of. He looked tough from the outside, dressed up in muscle and wounded skin. But under it, there was enough guilt and remorse for all three of us. Whatever has had happened to him, it had killed him. I didn’t dare to ask.  
“Dean. You know? Is there someone special for you? Did you ever get to fall in love?”  
He paused for a moment, and I thought I crossed the line, which was the last thing I had meant to do. I was just trying to get rid of this uncomfortable silence.   
“I hope I am not getting too personal. You know what? Never mind. I was being stupid. Sorry.”  
“No, it is fine. I was just thinking. Did I ever get the chance? Yes, a lot more than once. But I never even thought of taking it. I mean, why would I? We are hunters Leah. You think there is love for us out there? I don’t think so. It is only monsters waiting for us to kill them.”  
“I would like to believe we have a chance at least. Do we ever get to be happy? I mean is it the normal life we lack that is needed for happiness? How many of those normal people are actually happy? We help people. We should be rewarded now and then, don’t you think?”  
He smiled; I didn’t know if he actually agreed with me, he was way too unsecure to believe in good for himself, which was very heart wrenching for a guy like him.  
“That’s a nice way of thinking. Let’s not talk about this; I am a lot more awesome than that.”  
“Oh, really? What do you want to talk about? Clowns and midgets?”  
He pointed at the back seat;  
“Don’t sat that word out loud, he will kill you.”  
“What, clowns? He is scared of clowns? Are you serious?”  
“I am very serious.” He said, not being able to contain his laughter anymore. I turned around and shouted clowns at the top of my lungs, immediately waking Sam about from his deep sleep. He wasn’t very happy that I knew about his very very very funny phobia and turned to Dean with anger visible in his eyes.   
“Dean. Do you really think it is funny, cause’ it is not.”  
“I think it is hilarious.”  
“Really?”  
“Yes, really.”  
“Dean, will you please stop laughing?”  
After a while, Sam cracked a smile, which ended up all of us laughing in an old black, vintage car with shotguns and salt in the trunk and me finally feeling home after years of feeling that I could never belong somewhere or laugh just because I felt like laughing. Even though I still had my doubts about doing this, Dean’s easy acceptance of me soothed every bad feeling I ever had for my whole life. That moment, having them by my side, I could have taken on the rest of the world.


	3. I Hope We Can Fix Thingss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean gets hurt...

The shattering of glass jerked me awake from my sleep, I quickly got up, the sharp movement making my head float with dizziness. I ran to Sam’s room, which was right next to mine, he was asleep. I couldn’t help but wonder why he hadn’t heard anything. Dean’s room was down the hall, which was where the noises where coming from. I ran as fast as I could, only to see Dean lying in a puddle of blood. I caught a whine in the back of my throat before it could reach to my lips. I kneeled down and tried to shake Dean awake. He didn’t respond.  
“Dean! Dean!”  
He was motionless and still. I looked around the room to see what had caused this, but saw nothing. I called out for Sam, for an answer the silence did its job.   
“Dean! Wake up, please!”  
I held his wrist between my hands, he was alive. I felt a shiver rush down my back, along my spine, knowing what cold spots meant, I reached for the shotgun gun with salt rounds. Dean’s blood was everywhere, his shirt, my hands, everywhere.   
“Dean! Wake up!” I shouted one last time, hoping for him to open his eyes. He cried out in pain and propped himself on one elbow, cutting his arm with broken shards of glass. I sat down next to him and helped him up, now he was resting his head on his bed, his breathing sharp and slow.  
“Dean, what happened? Are you okay?”  
“I… I don’t know… I heard something… someone and it got really cold, and I… I don’t know.”  
“Are you okay?” I said, holding his wounded hand. Blood was trickling down his palm.  
“Yeah, I think I am fine. Where is Sam? Didn’t he wake up?”  
“No. I tried waking him up, he was asleep.”  
His forehead creased with confusion. I found it odd too, how he could sleep through this, it would make sense if he didn’t have enough sleep, but he slept in the car too.   
“Why wouldn’t he wake up?”  
He looked away. I patted him on the shoulder and went to get a medical kit, well, if they had one. After looking around for a while, I found it on the top shelf, and brought it back to his room. I called out to Sam one more time but couldn’t get an answer, not like I was expecting one. I had done this a million times after Derrick was back from a hunt. He always refused to go to the hospital despite my lack of experience. Over time, I got better at it. He always said I would have been a good doctor, if I had the chance. Well, I never had the chance. I motioned Dean to take off his shirt so I could patch up the cuts down his back. He pulled out the ripped up gray shirt stained with blood. He winced every time I pulled out a piece of glass. He was clearly in pain and I didn’t do any good with my rusty stitching skills. After I was done, I brought him a new shirt and tossed the other one at the waste basket.   
“Thanks Leah. You should try going back to sleep?”  
“Oh really, should I? Like Sam?”  
“Go easy on him, he had been stressed a lot lately.”  
I rolled my eyes and fixed him and myself a cup of coffee, both black. He tried to smile when I handed him the mug, but it was clear something was wrong. I mean more than it already was.  
“Dean?”  
“Huh?”  
“Are you sure you are okay?”  
He closed his eyes and shrugged; he held his forehead for a while and looked back at me with his green eyes sunk.   
“I don’t think so Leah. I will be fine, okay? Just try going back to sleep, alright? I will be okay.”  
“I am not leaving you here like this, not like this. Not until you tell me what happened exactly?”  
“I told you Leah, I don’t remember. I just remember hearing voices in my head then I got up and I saw this figure just standing there, and I couldn’t see him exactly but then he came over and tried to hit me when I reached for my gun, he hit me and I don’t remember the rest.”  
I nodded slowly. He was a lot confused than I was, and if he was saying he was going to be fine, he was clearly lying.  
“I am sorry I am putting you through all of this. You didn’t even spend 24 hours in this damn bunker but you have to take care of me. You don’t have to go through any of this. Go back to sleep, we will talk later. I will be fine, Leah. I have been through worse, you know I did.”  
“No, you get some rest. I don’t think I will be able to sleep. I might be your little sister Dean but I am not a little girl anymore. I am familiar with sleepless nights, they aren’t foreign to me. Don’t worry about me. Just go back to sleep. We will talk about it later. I am glad you are okay.”  
He nodded, gladly putting his head on the pillow and passing out immediately. He looked worn.  
I closed his door and turned off the light. Even though it worried me that Dean was attacked in his own room, I wasn’t scared, I was just confused. I walked over to Sam’s room, this time louder so he would hear me. He didn’t. Thinking about Dean made anger boil up inside me.  
“Sam!”  
No answer. I was starting to get really frustrated. I walked up to his bed, sheets tangled around him. He didn’t look like Dean at all. The way Dean was always playing with wires, Sam was at ease. He was much more comfortable with this when Dean deserved to be. I held him by his shoulders and shook him until he was awake. It didn’t take much long.   
“Leah! It is the middle of the night. Go back to sleep.”  
The way he said made me want to punch him. I didn’t care if he was my brother. I tugged at his arm and pulled him up to his feet. I was going to take my anger out of him, I wasn’t sorry at all.  
“Go to sleep? Go to sleep, like you did when Dean was attacked like two hours ago? What were you dreaming about when your brother almost died? Did you dream about unicorns, was it nice?”  
In a split second I had pulled back my arm clenching my fist and threw it with a force that caught him off guard and knocked him backwards when my fist connected with a dull thud. He was very surprised. I was too. I never thought I would actually hurt my brother but now that I did, the only thing I could think of was to hurt him even more. I swung another punch and instinctively, Sam blocked me while my other fist sent a punch in his firm stomach. I watched him stagger backwards but he turned to me, trying to get a hold of my arms so that I would stop. I wouldn’t stop. I was Leah Winchester and if I wanted to hurt someone, I did hurt them.  
“Leah, stop! Leah!”  
“Tell me one reason for me to stop. Tell me one reason for me to stop!”  
“Cause’ I am your brother.”  
“You are not my brother. You never made me feel like it.”  
I took advantage of him being distracted and I hit him until my rage was pouring out from Sam’s nose and mouth in the form of his own blood. He moved his hand under his chin, failing at an attempt of catching the dribbling blood. I rushed out of the room and started walking down the hall, not knowing where to go. I heard footsteps behind me, perhaps Sam’s, which made me want to run more. Yes, I had regretted what I had done; fighting someone who couldn’t fight you back wasn’t a great idea. It made me feel worse. Now I probably had disappointed Dean, I wanted to leave. It was very obvious family wasn’t my strongest subject.  
“Leah, wait!”  
I turned around, Sam looked really bad. The condition I had put him in was not something I had been proud of. As soon as he caught up to me, he pulled me in a long hug. It felt different. It didn’t feel like what it was with Dean. I didn’t feel protection or affection; I felt guilt and a sliver of hope to fix things.  
“I am sorry. I have a massive issue with containing my anger.”  
“It is okay. I deserved it. I am sorry.”  
“No it is not okay. I am sorry. It wasn’t my place to get involved in your problems with your brother. I truly am sorry. Do you want me to patch you up? You look pretty bad.”  
He smiled. “Thanks to whom?” and nodded slowly. We sat together in the kitchen after I put a couple of Band-Aids on the bridge of his nose and stitched the piece of skin above his eyebrow.  
“Leah?”  
“Huh?”  
“You said Dean was attacked, what happened? Is he okay?”  
“I don’t know. I heard something and I rushed to his room, he was lying in a puddle of his own blood. He didn’t tell me much about it. He said we would talk later.”  
He shook his head in disbelief.   
“Sam?”  
“Uh-huh?”  
“I am sorry I rushed into your lives like a thunderstorm. I am messing things up. I should have never agreed to come with you in the first place. All I will bring you is trouble. I am sorry.”  
“Please don’t regret the choice you made to be with us, with your family. We needed a thunderstorm. I needed a thunderstorm to make me realize what I was doing wrong. Except I didn’t expect the thunderstorm to break my nose.”  
We both laughed, this time meaning it.  
“I thought you wouldn’t like me because maybe you would think that I was coming in between you and Dean. Was I right? Am I?”  
“Why would you say that? As much as Dean is my family, you are too. I know we didn’t make a good start. I was really nervous. All my life all the family I had was Dean. Then I left him and made bunch of mistakes, I was scared of making the same mistakes over again. I am not the best brother of the world compared to Dean, and I was just blown by the idea I would have to try.”  
“You are right. You can’t be like Dean. And he can’t be like you. There is one thing you both share, you both think so low of yourself, not even aware of the lives you changed, saved. It is partly my fault to think you would accept me the moment I walked in.”  
“I want to be able to fix things; I hope we can fix things.”


	4. We All Have Our Demons

The smell of cooked breakfast brought Dean to the table without me having to wake him up. I laid the plate of pancakes on the table as he walked in, smiling sheepishly.  
“Wow, I didn’t have a real breakfast in like forever.”  
“Do you like pancakes?”  
“I love pancakes.” He grabbed the fork from the kitchen counter and drowned the pancake in maple syrup. I lightly smacked his hand.  
“You have to wait for Sam. Manners, Dean!”  
He chuckled quietly, he looked amused.  
“Wait for me? Dive in, guys!”  
Upon hearing Sam walk in the kitchen Dean grabbed the fork again. Sam chose the seat next to Dean so I pulled the chair across them. Dean didn’t seem to notice Sam’s face, and Sam didn’t seem to notice Dean’s not-so-green-anymore eyes.  
“So Dean, about what happened yesterday, are you going to talk about it?”  
“I don’t know man, I just have this really weird feeling he… or it was trying to tell me something. Something important, but when I attacked him, he fought back. I don’t get it.”  
“Bunker is safe from every kind of monster Dean; it was either a human being or someone we allowed in here. Crowley, maybe?”  
Dean started playing with his fork, and looked up to Sam, noticing his swollen face.  
“Whoa. What happened to your face?”  
“Uh… Leah had some… anger issues yesterday. But it is okay, we are okay. We talked about it.”  
He looked at me with discernible disbelief in his eyes, and slowly put down his fork.  
“Leah just tends to like beating up her brothers, nothing too weird there.”  
Sam smiled and turned to me.  
“Did you see or hear anything out of ordinary?”  
“Define ordinary Sam; tell me what is ordinary for us. Well, I thought I felt a cold spot but don’t trust me with that, everywhere is cold for me.”  
Dean looked confused.  
“I didn’t feel exactly cold, it was more like wind, but inside. I don’t know, I don’t get it.”  
Sam shook his head, his mouth full with pancakes. They seemed to like the pancakes, but I didn’t bother to ask. I shrugged and picked up the empty plates, and placed them in the sink. I didn’t feel like doing the dishes.  
“Hey, Leah!”  
I turned around and saw Dean holding my phone.   
“I think you left your phone in my room yesterday, someone kept on calling you. Ben, do you know him?”  
Why would Ben be calling me? Since the day Helen died, he didn’t speak a word to me.  
“He is a hunter we knew. I honestly have no idea why he would call me, I mean I don’t know.”  
Dean raised his eyebrows as if he knew the reason I got a frustrated and nervous. It was a memory I didn’t like to recall.   
“Is he the reason why you believe in love?”  
“No! I mean he was just a friend of Derrick’s. We went on couple of hunts together, that’s all.”  
And plus, I caused his sister to die, but he didn’t exactly need to know about that.  
“Then why is he calling you? Is he like… you know?”  
“I don’t know, Dean! Can you give me my phone back so I can find out why? Please?”  
He rolled his eyes and handed the phone to me. After I left the room I heard them talking, probably was none of my business so I decided to keep out of their way. I walked to my room and called Ben, I hadn’t heard his voice in years, it scared me.   
“Leah?” His voice was subtle, not the voice I had gotten used to. It was distant, no trace of anticipation left for me, or patience. It wasn’t a surprise, I would have been much worse.  
“Hi, Ben. You called me?”  
“Yeah. I was just… I got a case and I thought we would work together on it.”  
“A case? Is that what you call me about after all these years? I waited for you Ben. As if the guilt of what I had done wasn’t enough for me, you pushed yourself away from me. And you call about a case after all these years.”  
“A case that you needed to hear about. I found a trace of what killed Helen.”  
“And? Why do you want me there? To mess things up? To get you killed? Sorry, I will pass.”  
I hung up without letting him answer. Even thinking about that day made my stomach churn. Dean knocked on the door couple of times before letting himself in.  
“I came to check up on you. Are you okay?”  
“Sure. We could say that I am okay. I am great.”  
“Tell me about it.”  
He sat on my bed and got comfortable, playing with a chunk of wood at the edge of it, eventually ripping it off.  
“It is not a big deal Dean. You got better problems than Ben. His sister died in a hunt, he blames me for it. Now, he found a trace of the demon that did it, wants me there with him.”  
“Do you blame yourself?”  
I wasn’t expecting him to ask a question like that, he always did things I didn’t expected, like taking care of me when he didn’t need to, accepting me as a sister in like a day. He did not deserve to get hurt like this.   
“I used to. But then I thought there is enough guilt to go around and blaming myself didn’t bring her back.”  
I could see he didn’t understand me even a little bit. He would never stop blaming himself for things that he did, things he did not. He wouldn’t mind not being able to sleep at night. Dean Winchester was a hero and he failed to see it.  
“Were you two close?”  
“He was my only friend, sort of like my brother. After seeing you two, he is nowhere close to being one.”  
He nodded, this time he seemed glad that I shut my mouth, he looked uncomfortable. I could see he was about to tell me something I didn’t want to hear.   
“Were you going to tell me something?”  
“Yeah, uh- Well, Sam and I, we decided… We are supposed to keep you safe, right? So we thought before someone else gets hurt, we have to find out what happened last night. Don’t get me wrong, I would love to have you by my side, but I just have to keep you safe. You are my family, I have to protect you. We decided you should stay at Bobby’s for a while.”  
There was no way they were treating me like a kid again, I was sick of it.  
“Dean, no! In case you haven’t realized, I was raised as a hunter, all my life I lived in danger. I am not going to leave you two here because I am in danger. Who cares? I would rather die than be a coward and run off to Bobby’s while my big brothers solve the problem. I won’t have that.”  
“Leah. If I say that you are leaving, you are. I won’t have you be in danger. Pack your stuff, I will take you.”  
“No-“  
“Leah. Please.”  
I didn’t want to leave but I didn’t want to upset Dean so I picked up couple of things and I was ready, waiting for Dean next to the car. He didn’t say anything until we got to Bobby’s. Before I could get out, he grabbed my arm.  
“Wait!”  
His eyes were clouded, he was clearly exhausted.   
“What Dean?”  
“I am sorry I am forcing you out but I want to keep you safe. Please try to understand me.”  
“I do get it. It is okay. I will just you know, go for a hunt maybe? I will just cuddle with some werewolves, sing songs with demons. Cause you know, that’s safe, right? ”  
“Leah-“  
He got out of the car quickly, and handed me a gun. It was white and I realized it was Dean’s gun. I grabbed it and looked at him with questioning eyes.  
“Be safe.”  
“Don’t worry, I will be. I am a Winchester remember? I will be safe.”  
I smiled as he pulled me into a hug.   
“I really don’t want to do this, you know? But I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if something had happened to you. You know about guilt as much as I do. We all have our demons, but don’t let them take over things. You are stronger than. ”  
“Look who is talking…Thank you Dean.”  
“For what?”  
“Being my brother. A good one too.”  
Even long after I walked off, I could see him looking after me, in every way possible.


	5. When I Look At Him, I See a Soldier, When I Look At You, I See a Hero

A distant shuffling sound woke me up; the sheets were tangled around me so I struggled a little before I could get up. The house was quiet and motionless. I didn’t know where the sound came from, I instinctively reached for Dean’s gun, trying to quiet my breath in some way.   
“That will not work on me, darling.”  
I turned around and saw a figure standing behind Bobby’s desk, looking straight at me. I did not know him; his eyes were glowing in the dark, sending shivers down my back. He looked firm and fierce. Adrenaline was pumping through my veins. I took a step back as he started walking towards me. He was wearing a black suit with a scarlet tie, his accent a little different.  
“I am not here to hurt you, but I will not hesitate if you resist.”  
I took another step back, feeling the cold wall behind me. I was trapped. I opened my mouth to scream. Nothing but silence came out. He must have seen the terrified look on my face, he smiled viciously.  
“W-who are you? What do you want from me?”  
“I am Crowley. I am actually best friends with your brother. You know, not the moose.”  
Sam and Dean knew him? For a second, a thought crossed my mind. You weren’t a hunter if you didn’t fight back, were you? I brought my gun up, took aim and shot. Even if it didn’t kill him, it must have slowed him down. I ran for the door, knocking things over in the process. When I was finally out the door, I slowed to catch my breath. I turned around, only to find him facing me, this time he wasn’t smiling. He threw a punch right in my stomach. I felt the door hitting my back. Black spots blurred my vision but I managed to get up. My left shoulder was aching so I swung with my right, missing where I aimed for completely.  
“You can’t take on the King of Hell by yourself. Didn’t your lame brothers teach you that?”  
With another punch from him, I felt the warm fluid dribble down my chin. Side of my face was burning and my legs were getting weaker every second. He was stronger than me and there was no way I was getting out of this fight alive. Before I could embrace my destiny, I shot him in the neck. He pressed on the open wound and after a second it was gone, better than before. I cried out in pain when he kicked my upper leg, I reached for his arm and bent it backwards, he immediately pinned me to the ground.  
“Now who will save you little girl? Your self-dependent stupid brothers or that old drunk?”  
“What do you want from me?” I managed to say while blood poured out my mouth.  
“Well, isn’t it obvious? I want the key of course. And you are coming with me, to have fun.”  
I opened my eyes in a cold, dark cell, tied up. Every part of my body was in pain. A dull thud was constantly in my head, causing me to close my eyes every now and then. A stinging wound on my forehead was bleeding, making my vision useless. My range of motion was limited, considering the shape I was in, I wouldn’t be able to get rid of the ropes. I clenched my fists and struggled to get free. Moving my arms worsened the pain in my shoulder. Every time I tried to breathe, I felt as if a fire was raging inside my chest. The ringing in my ears, the imaginary whispers, the water dripping from the wall made me shiver. I closed my eyes. This must have been what it felt like when someone was drowning. I had been hurt before, but it was nothing compared to this. I didn’t know how long I had stayed like that in that dark room. When someone opened the door, I was blinded by the light. Everything was much clear now. Crowley was in front of me, smiling and admiring his work.  
“Did you enjoy yourself, sweetie? Were my demons nice to you?”  
“N-nobody c-came.”  
“Oh! How rude of them! Would you like to go outside and get some ice cream with me, or take a walk?” He started shouting again, worsening the ringing in my ears.  
“Sorry! What did you expect? A nice motel with some cocktail? You are our hostile, no one will come. Except your brothers, to rescue you, of course. They’ll fall into my nice little trap.”  
“What do you want from me?”  
“I told you. The key. Tell me where it is and you are free to go, except you are not.”  
“I don’t know what you are talking about. I don’t know what it is. A key to what?”  
His eyes clouded with doubt, he sighed and started untying me. I didn’t think it would be that easy. It was never that easy, especially with a demon.  
“Are you just… letting me go?”  
“Of course not. Don’t be ridiculous, I thought you were smarter than your brothers. We will just take a walk.”  
He pulled me up to my feet, but I struggled to stay standing. My legs were too weak.   
“Whatever it is that you are looking for, you are looking at the wrong person. I don’t know anything. Even if I did, do you think I would tell you? King of Hell? Really? You don’t look like a king to me, more like a pathetic loser that has nothing without his powers.”  
“Ooh. You are brave, I like it. Braver than your brother actually, Dean. He is just like you, talks like that. He is a good soldier yes, but not as good as you would be.”  
I decided to stay quiet. I wasn’t used to compliments, let alone an offer to work for the King of Hell. I didn’t feel honored, I felt insulted. He led me out the door, to a long corridor.   
“Where are we?”   
“And why would I be telling you? So you can let your brothers know and they will rescue you. That’s exactly what I want.” He smiled mischievously.  
“See, that’s the ultimate way your brother will die. Eventually they will. They will die trying to save each other. And now there is you, another weakness for them. Wouldn’t that be just great?”   
“They are not weak. They are heroes, something you will never be.”  
“Oh darling, just watch me. I will be the end of them. I dream of it every night.”  
“Of course, because you can only dream of doing it. King of Hell, don’t make me laugh please, Sam and Dean won’t fall for this.”  
He closed his eyes for a while, I didn’t know what to do except look at him. His suit was stained with blood, probably mine. When he opened them, he placed a nervous smile on his face.  
“You don’t know what the King is capable of. Your brothers might be the best hunters in the world, but we all got our weaknesses, don’t we?”  
His last sentence woke up something inside me, sparked memories, now they were on fire. If we had weaknesses, so did he, being a demon.   
“What is your weakness Crowley? Being a demon?”  
This time it was my turn to smile.  
“Dean’s gun? Ring a bell? Or do you need a reminder? Henry Winchester’s bullets, demon traps carved over it. I just love the Men of Letters, don’t you?”  
I raised my gun and shot twice. The surprised look on his face was priceless, I suddenly wished Dean was here to see it.  
“You will pay for this! You! Don’t think there won’t be a next time! You will pay for this!”  
“Whatever gets you to sleep at night Crowley, whatever gets you to sleep at night.”  
I couldn’t help but shoot again. He looked vulnerable, knowing what my next step would be.  
“Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus, omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursion infernalis adversarii, omnis congregation et secta diabolica, ergo draca maledicte, ut ecclessiam tuam secura tibi facias libertate servire, te rogamus, audi nos! Goodbye, Crowley.”  
A red cloud of dust and dirt exited from his vessel as he fell to the ground. I looked around for a door or a window I could use to get out but I couldn’t see anything. I knew his demons would come sooner or later so I started running without knowing where I was going. My wounds weren’t helping. My shoulder was in pain and my lungs were burning. I stopped to catch my breath, but it was a stupid choice considering the amount of demons in this place. Two of them saw me, I started running as fast as my feet allowed me to, but they caught up to me, holding both my arms. I screamed in pain when one of them touched my shoulder.   
“Let her go! Now!”  
They both turned around to see who it was. They loosened their grips and started running. I didn’t know him, but he somehow looked familiar. With a touch on the forehead, they were dead. He looked calm despite the fact that he had just killed two demons with absolutely no effort.   
“We have to get out of here before others come. We should hurry before they catch up to us.”  
“Who are you? Why should I believe you? ”  
“We don’t have time for questions. Sam and Dean are waiting for you. We have to hurry, please! You will have to trust me with this. There are more demons, an army, please be reasonable. ”  
He reached out to me, but I pulled away. There was no way I was leaving with a stranger again.   
“Last time someone said come with me, I found myself here. So, who are you? Tell me.”  
He took a deep breath and nodded impatiently. I could see he was exhausted. So was I.  
“I am Castiel, I am a friend of your brothers. You can trust me. You should trust me, please.”  
I had my doubts but he was my only chance so I nodded. He led me down the hall where three demons welcomed us, a couple of bullets and Castiel’s bare hands were enough to get away from them. As soon as we were outside, a herd of demons circled us, Crowley leading them.  
“Hello, Castiel. I hoped I would see you again. What a surprise. Actually, not. Of course Winchester’s dearest pet would be here. ”  
Castiel took a step forward and motioned me to get behind him.   
“You shouldn’t underestimate the power of the king Leah. I would let you go now that I have moose and squirrel but no. I have much better plans for you.”  
Two demons holding Dean and Sam walked in front of Crowley and pushed them on the ground. Castiel squeezed my forearm, trying to assuage my fears. Crowley smiled and walked up to me, pushing him aside. I locked my eyes with Dean’s for a sliver of second before Crowley spoke.  
“Leah, darling. Let’s have some fun.”


	6. A Story Full Of Love, And Heartbreak

I opened my eyes in a bright room, my hands tied up above my head, binding me to the wall. Blood was dripping down my wrists because of the wires holding them together. I tried to look around the room, but the room was too bright. I noticed Crowley walking towards me with a smile on his face. I wanted to kill him so bad, but I didn’t have the energy to.   
“Good morning, sunshine. How did you sleep? Are you ready to have some fun?”  
I tried so hard trying to keep my poker face, knowing I was failing at it. He grabbed a very sharp knife and sliced my palm. I clenched my jaw.   
“This, Leah.” He paused. “is only the teaser part. You should see the movie.”  
He shrugged and ran the knife down my arm, it burned like no other. Tears prickled the corners of my eyes, but I blinked them away. He pressed the knife harder, my groan turning into a scream.   
“Boys? Enjoying the movie, right? You want some popcorn Dean?”  
That’s when I realized Dean was in the room, pinned to the opposite wall. He was unable to move, but he was struggling.   
“Let go of her, Crowley. She has nothing to-“  
“Do with this? Well, she is your sister, isn’t she? So yes, she is a big part of this, of you.”  
“Touch her one more time and I swear I will-“  
“What, Dean? What are you going to do? You pathetic human, what can you do to me?!”  
He turned to me and shoved the knife into my upper thigh. I screamed and writhed under the restraints. He laughed hysterically and pushed it deeper. The flash of pain blinded me; there was a loud ringing in my ears. From the corner of my eye, I saw Dean shouting at Crowley, who was laughing like a maniac. He pulled the knife out, relieving my pain only a little. He didn’t want to kill me, or make me suffer. He knew I didn’t have the information he wanted. I was just a simple weakness for Dean, for all of them, and unfortunately he knew how to use it against them.  
“Leah! Please try to stay awake. It is going to be alright.”  
Black spots dotted my vision as Crowley hit my jaw with something metal. I heard a loud crack. My head was spinning. Everywhere I looked, I saw my own crimson blood. I spat out the blood in my mouth, looking directly at Crowley.  
“You hit like a girl Crowley. Anyone ever told you that? You hit just like a girl, worse than that.”  
With a moment of rage, he grabbed a long, silver blade from the table and pushed it to my sides.  
The pain was nothing like I had ever felt before, my breathing slowed and I no longer could hear Dean telling me to hang on. I pulled at the wire holding me together one last time, only to hear Crowley’s stifled laughter. The pain was unimaginable.  
“You ready to talk, Dean? You know you can end all of this.” He turned to Dean and hissed. “Why don’t you? Why don’t you Dean? Tell me where the key is and it is over. Tell me!”  
“I know. I know I can end it. But first, let me end you Crowley.”  
He pushed the demon knife in Crowley, somehow freeing himself from the ties. He pulled out the knife before it could kill Crowley, knowing it would slow him down and ran towards me. He took a knife from the table and cut away the wire binding my wrists as I fell towards him.  
“Easy, easy. I got you now. It is going to be okay. Oh God, I am so sorry. It is all my fault I am so sorry. It is going to be alright, I promise. ”  
“Dean, I am fine. Let’s go before he comes.”  
He broke into a sob, quick to get himself together. I couldn’t keep my eyes open. Sleep was taking me in. I heard whispers, Dean yelling, screams. Everything hurt. I tried to stay awake. Blood was everywhere. I was dying. Dean was telling me to hold on. I tried to. But I was dying. I was dying. I opened my eyes in somewhere bright. It smelled like chlorine and medicine. In a hurry, I looked around, but I couldn’t move my head. I couldn’t move at all.   
“Hey, Leah. It is Dean. I am here.”  
I opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out. He nodded and told me I needed to rest. I felt like I needed to rest. Every part of my body felt numb, but the pain was unignorably hurtful. I closed my eyes, a flash of memory came back to me. I remembered everything, the cell, Castiel, Crowley, demons, the knife, the blood, and the pain, all of it. My chest felt heavy, as well as my eyes. I finally gave in.   
Muffled whispers woke me up, barely able to open my eyes fully, I looked around the room. Sam and Dean were seated next to the bed, the worried look on their faces mixed with relief when they saw me wake up. It was dark in the room, but unmistakably we were in a hospital.   
“Hey! You are awake.”  
“I guess I am. What happened, Dean? How did we get out?”  
“Two hunters, an angel, a demon knife walk into a torture room to save the day.”  
“It sounds like a bad joke.”  
I tried to smile despite the pulsing pain in my jaw. He chuckled quietly, trying not to disturb me.   
“Well, don’t hurt yourself thinking too hard, but I guess you are… already hurt.”  
He looked like he was in more pain than I was. I wanted to tell him that it was okay, that I was okay. I wanted to tell him it wasn’t his fault. But Dean just wasn’t the type to say no to guilt.   
“Leah, I am sorry. I don’t know why we thought sending you to Bobby’s was a good idea, but-“  
“Dean, it is okay. You guys were just trying to protect me. I get it.”  
“It should have been me. You did nothing to get hurt like that. It should have been me.”  
“You didn’t either. Don’t worry about me Dean. I will be fine. This is the life we will have. I got used to it. You get hurt, you save people. But there is one thing you are not doing. You aren’t saving yourself. There is one person to blame, and that’s Crowley. There is no one else I blame.”  
He smiled slowly, and shrugged. I knew it wouldn’t work. I knew he would still blame himself, and that hurt me more than Crowley’s torture ever could.   
“I should be the one apologizing.”  
“What? No. You were the one getting tortured how could it ever be your fault?”  
“No, not about Crowley. It is more about how I am a weakness to you, to Sam. I don’t like that. We are hunters, we are supposed to be the strongest of all, yet a simple girl like me can make you hurt. That’s bad, isn’t it.”  
“Leah. Well, yes we are hunters, but hunters are supposed to be the good guys, right? Good guys do have weaknesses, they always did, always will. That’s what makes them good. Without family, what are we? Without you, without Sam, I wouldn’t have a reason to fight. You are my sister, he is my brother. You are my family. You always will be. So if weakness means not being able to see my sister in pain, then I hope I have more of it.”  
He was right. What could I say?   
“Where is Castiel?”  
“You met him?”  
I nodded. The way his eyes lit up when I said his name made me smile instantly.  
“I met him. But that doesn’t mean I know him. He is an angel, right? How did you guys end up friends? An angel and two hunters together, that sounds like a bad joke too. I didn’t even know they existed.”  
“We saved the world together once.”  
“That sounds like a story, and I have time to listen.”  
He smiled so deep, I swear it could make flowers grow.   
“Castiel. He is an angel. He pulled me out of hell.”  
“Wow, wow. Wait you went to hell?”  
“Well, I guess it is a longer story than I thought it was. Do you still want to hear it?”  
“Of course I want to hear how and why my brother went to hell, sounds interesting.”  
He looked at Sam for approval and Sam quietly nodded. He came over and sat on the bed, crossing his arms.   
“I am ready to hear it, too.”  
Dean turned to me, worry visible in his eyes.  
“This story is not full of love… and love. It is more like heartbreak, guilt, and anything bad you can think of. You might not want to hear it; you might not want to look at us ever again. But, here it goes. I was four, you and Sammy were six months old, and we had a perfect life. I don’t remember everything clearly, but I remember Dad telling me to take Sam outside and not look back. I did look back. I mean, I was four and our house was on fire and I didn’t know anything else other than to look. Dad came back, with you, told me to say goodbye to Mommy, to you. He told me you were gone, so was Mom.I was just a little kid, he handed me a gun, told me to look after Sammy and left to go find whatever killed Mom. Sam didn’t want that life. I mean, who would? He left to go to Stanford. I never blamed him for leaving me, Dad didn’t either. They would always argue and fight over the smallest things. But Dad loved Sam the most. That’s why he told him to never come back again; he knew if he ever did, he wouldn’t be able to leave again. He would always go check up on him, to see how he was doing. One day, he left for a hunting trip and didn’t come back. I went to Sam and told him Dad was missing. That’s how it started.”  
Then he told me the whole story, how they had ended up here. They were actually heroes, they deserved more. They couldn’t see that.   
“Wow, Dean. And yet you say you don’t believe in love?” He looked puzzled. “Keep telling yourself that Dean. But a guy pulls you out of hell, repeatedly kills for you, defies Heaven’s orders to help you, can’t kill you even though he is brainwashed to do so. Yeah, totally not in love.”  
“First of all, you were tortured 18 hours ago, you aren’t supposed to be funny. Second of all, will you shut your mouth?”  
Sam broke into a laughing fit, so I laughed too, even though my chest burned when I did. Dean finally gave in, joining us. If someone was watching us, I am sure they wouldn’t find pieces of broken souls, or heartbreak. They would find love and family, all we ever had, all we ever would.


	7. I Know How My Story Ends, I Don’t Need a Reminder

A week had passed since the incident and needless to say, Castiel healed my wounds, immediately the pain vanished. We went back to the bunker. Dean insisted I get some rest, even though I told him Cass healed me. Of course, a great big brother he is, didn’t listen. Sam was leaving to get some food and supplies for the bunker when I asked him if we could go somewhere.  
“Well, Dean said you get some rest. He would kill me if I took you out, you know. He is being really sensitive about this. I get it though. Well, do you want something?”  
Before I could get the chance to open my mouth, I heard Dean shout.  
“Pie. Don’t forget my pie. We got a research to do, can’t do it without my pie.”  
Well, too enthusiastic for a plate of dessert, but that was just how Dean was. I shrugged and went to join Cass in the library. They were doing research about the key Crowley was asking about. Asking was a great way of putting it. He didn’t ask very nicely.   
“Hey, Cass. How is research going?”  
“Slow, really really really slow. Do you want to help? Are you feeling better?”  
“Yeah, thanks. About what happened in there, I am sorry. If I had trusted you, we would have more time to get out. It is my fault.”  
“Well, it is okay. Our goal was to save you and it is accomplished, there shouldn’t be an argument beyond that. Please don’t feel guilty about it. You and… your brothers tend to feel guilty a lot, right?”  
He was right, so I simply nodded. It was probably in our genes, or the way we were raised.  
“We got bigger problems now. Three nights ago, it was me who visited. I didn’t mean to cause such commotion, it was a misunderstanding.”  
“Are you saying it was you who attacked Dean the other night? Why?”  
“No, I don’t mean that. I didn’t attack him, not necessarily. I was trying to warn him. He thought I was attacking him. He shot me and when I tried to show him who I was, I was a bit harsh.”  
“A bit harsh? Is that how you put it? He was lying in a puddle of his own blood.”  
“I know. I …can’t control my powers that well. And the cold wind you two felt, it was my wings. I am sorry. I apologized to Dean earlier, but he said it was you that deserved and apology.”  
“It is okay, just… you should at least try to control your powers. What I don’t get is… if you had so much power, why didn’t you use it on Crowley?”  
He looked like he didn’t expect me to ask a question like that, he looked confused. His forehead wrinkled and he bent his head a little. He looked like a lost puppy. I couldn’t help but feel bad for him. I understood Dean, now. You couldn’t help but like the angel, he was basically a puppy.  
“Crowley is different, he is a demon, and Dean is well… very human. That affects the way I use my powers. I think we should stop chatting and start this research. I… don’t quite understand how libraries work, though. How can you look at all of this, it is just… so little time.”  
I didn’t know how time worked for celestial beings, but Castiel was hard to spend it with. He was quiet, I wasn’t used to silence, living with Dean only for a week. His music was loud, his laughter was loud, well, even his sadness was loud in a way. Castiel was the total opposite. When I was looking through a Latin book on keys, Claves ad Tempus, he started laughing.  
“Um… is something funny Cass?”  
He just couldn’t stop laughing, I don’t know what he was laughing at but watching him, it made me want to laugh too.  
“It’s… it is funnier in Enochian. You won’t get it.” After I stared at him with a blank expression, he started to explain. “Well it is an Angelic language, it is very ancient. I don’t know why Sam and Dean never bothered to learn it. Everything is funnier in Enochian.”  
I nodded and kept reading until something caught my attention. It was about the key to Gates of Understanding.   
“Hey, Cass, do you happen to know anything about the Natural Keys?”  
“I know it is a key to another dimension, but why would Crowley want that. It is more about enlightening and salvation. I don’t think the King of Hell is very interested in that.”  
“It says “I am therefore to instruct and inform you, according to your Doctrine delivered, which is contained in 49 Tables. In 49 voices, or callings: which are the Natural Keys to open those, not 49 but 48 (for one is not to be opened) Gates of Understanding, whereby you shall have knowledge to move every Gate…” it doesn’t make sense. Crowley wouldn’t want knowledge.”  
“Maybe he would, if that information led him to something more important. Think of it, King of Hell, he is probably planning something more dangerous than Gates of Understanding, I assume.”  
I was hoping after all these hours of research, we would finally be able to find something, but he was right. He would have better plans than that. I heard the front door open, and then shut. It must have been Sam. I could hear eager laughs of Dean from the other room, I smiled.   
“Hey, Sam. Did you get Dean’s pie?”  
He froze and looked inside the bag. There was no pie. Oops he mouthed, looking like a little kid.  
I felt bad for Dean, after all he was counting on that pie. I braced myself for a small fight and looked at Cass. He had stopped laughing hysterically by then.   
“Sam! Where is my pie?”  
“…”  
“Sam? Please tell me you didn’t forget it.”  
Sam handed Dean an ice cream cake, knowing it wouldn’t be the same.  
“I didn’t forget it. They were out.” Dean looked at Sam with a look that read Please Kill Me before I Kill You, Sam just laughed.   
“I wouldn’t leave the store without the pie. I went to another one, they are in the trunk.”  
Sam tossed the keys at Dean, his face lit up like the night sky. He quickly ran to the door and came back with hands full of pie. It felt nice to see him happy after a week of nervous research. After the pie incident, we all returned to our books, constantly hearing Dean lick his fingers. I was really tired and couldn’t help but yawn. Sam looked up from his book with a trace of concern in his eyes. He closed the book and walked up, he was exhausted too.  
“Leah? I think you should get some sleep. We can look at it later, in the morning. I think we should all get some shut eye. We are useless if we can’t function, you know.”  
“I am a multi-dimensional wavelength of celestial intent, I don’t sleep.” Castiel said without looking up from his book.   
“Good to know, Cass. But since me, Sam and Leah are one-dimensional human beings, so I guess we will need some sleep. You should… fly around Heaven, I guess.”   
“I don’t fly “around” Heaven, I go in. Do your research.”  
Sam awkwardly nodded and motioned me to come with him. We walked around the bunker until Sam unlatched a random door and held the door for me to go in. It was completely white. There was a desk and behind it, there were shelves filled with peculiar, strange objects. It was so strange it could be defined as pretty. The ceiling was painted as a map of stars, and as it sounds, it was mind blowing.  
“Pretty, huh? I found it when I was walking around. It seems nice. In a place like this, it is hard to find nice things, aside from you I mean.”  
I smiled and looked down. I wasn’t used to compliments; I wasn’t used to a family. It struck me how much my life had changed over a week, One day my whole world just shifted, maybe in a good way, but a change is a change. It really doesn’t matter if it is good or bad. Change was new to me, I lived a ordinary hunter life, not normal, but ordinary. This, this wasn’t ordinary.   
“Thank you, Sam. But I really don’t know what I did to deserve to be called nice. I am not the nice type. I had a fist fight with you the first day I was here. Don’t call me nice. I am not.”  
“No, that’s not what I meant. It is like… you are a reminder for me, and for Dean, that a hunter life doesn’t have to be necessarily bad. You are the only good we have left actually.”  
“I still fail to see how that makes me nice, Sam. Reminders aren’t always nice, you know. Scars are reminders, but they aren’t that nice, are they?”  
He laughed, but it was the nervous type, where you just don’t know what to do next. So I just stood there, waiting for him to say something. He was quiet for a while.   
“You are just like Dean. You are so much like him that I sometimes wonder if you are his twin, instead of mine. You are brave, like him, smart mouth, and a douche.” I laughed at his snarky comment, he wasn’t wrong. He was absolutely right. I could be a douche sometimes, well, a lot of times. “What I am saying is, you are like him when it comes to yourself. You can see all the good around you, but not the good in you. I am sure you noticed this with Dean, I notice it with you too. It is sometimes hard, having a brother like him. But I stop and think, having someone to die for, someone to kill for, that’s all I needed in my life. But instead of looking for it within the small family I had, I looked other places. That’s what I regret the most, letting Dean down.”  
“Why are you telling me all these things? You know I can’t stop being a self-loathing person, that’s just how I am.”  
“Maybe so, but I would like to know that someone listens, understands.” I walked up to him and sat on the desk, next to him. He looked up to the stars, seeking comfort in them, maybe even looking for his North Star. It broke my heart to know he would never actually find it. “You know what hurt me the most, about Dean? He knew about the ending. It wasn’t fair. One day, Dad told him he wouldn’t get to see his 35th birthday, that moved something in Dean. He told me he knew how his story would end; it was either the barrel of a gun, or the edge of a blade. It was like he was trying to live up to it, like he was trying to do as much as he could before that. I don’t know if he will ever be satisfied with what he has done, but he looked after me, more than Dad ever did. He was there when I woke up from a nightmare; he was there when I needed a shoulder to cry on. He was my big brother and he was always there. He tried so hard to be like Dad, he couldn’t see that he was better than him, much better than him. Dad never cared about my first date or my soccer trophies. Dean did. He is a great big brother, someone you can look up to. I wanted to be like that, but I never could, I never will. What I am saying is… let him be the big brother of you. Let him do what he does the best.”  
“So what, should I just let him annoy be and boss me around, no thanks.” I said with disbelief. He smiled and hugged me. It was hard not to let him, it felt like home.  
“You know, you are actually like the little sister I never wanted. When I first saw you, I thought we would never be family, now, I know we always were.”


	8. We All Fear The Unknown

It had been almost a month and we still couldn’t find a single thing, Dean was getting frustrated as well as all of us. Even Castiel was tired, since it was painfully very long three weeks, and we were all exhausted. I tried my best to cheer them up, but it was clear no one wanted to cheer up. Dean’s mood swings were more tiring than the research we were doing. Being useless wasn’t him, so he took his anger out on Sam, Cass or sometimes even me. I tried to not get in his way, failing at it too.  
“Leah? Have you seen Dad’s journal, I swear it was here like five minutes ago. I am sure of it.”  
“Did you check with Sam? Maybe he has it.”  
“I don’t want to “check with Sam”.” He mimicked, clearly annoyed.  
“Dean, is something bothering you?”  
“No! I am fine. You should stop worrying about me and do some research, or whatever is that you and Sam do. I am fine! I swear the next person who asks me if I’m okay, I am going to start throwing punches!” Which made it very clear it was a big mistake to even ask him that.  
I desperately wanted to get out. I longed for the vampire hunts with Derrick, at least I got some fresh air and exercise. Knowing it would be the end of me if he found out, I sneaked Impala’s keys. I just had to get out of here. I felt like I was suffocating. I texted Sam, letting him know that I was fine, so they wouldn’t think I was kidnapped and freak. That would just get me in more trouble. After a couple of miles, I realized why Dean didn’t let me drive. I was a very, very crappy driver. I was 20 miles away from the bunker when my phone started ringing. Dean. I pulled up in front of a convenient store and stopped the engine before answering, he would recognize Baby.   
“Hey, Dean.” I tried to sound casual and not suspicious, miserably failing. Since Sam and Dean treated me like an adult, I had lost my ability to lie, which just didn’t help with the situation.  
“I know you have Baby, come back to the bunker. I am not mad, drive carefully. Wreck my Baby, I will be the end of you.”   
Just like that, he hung up. I couldn’t risk it; I went in the store and grabbed some pie, just in case he was lying to me about being mad. I tried to drive carefully, but I just wasn’t good at it. I knocked on the door, since I forgot my keys, smart moves Leah, really smart. Dean opened the door, looking a bit too calm.  
“Hey Dean. I… uh… got you some pie. Maybe you would want-“  
No, he wouldn’t want some, his face expression said so. Castiel was standing behind him, looking tired. Dean was furious. He demanded the keys, and snatched them out of my hand. Yup, he was mad, and the pie didn’t help. I tried to go back to the library without getting in Dean’s way, failing miserably at that too.   
“Your Highness, may I demand some answers from you?”  
“Um… I am sorry Dean, about you know… running away with the Impala. I was going to return it, I swear.”  
He crossed his arms and a look of confusion swept over his angry expression.  
“I am not mad about the car, Leah. I was worried to death. Screw the Impala, Crowley could have found you again, tortured you, even killed you, and I wouldn’t be there to stop it this time. You can’t just take off like that. Never… do that again.”  
Without letting me say a word, he came over and pulled me into a hug. I didn’t know what to do, I felt guilty. I never thought he would think that way. I thought he would be mad about the car. He wasn’t. I could see Sam smiling behind Dean, he looked relieved.  
“I am so sorry. I never thought of it that way. Dean, I just… wanted to get some fresh air without one of you having to babysit me. I am sorry. I…”  
“It is okay. I was out of my mind. I thought something happened when you answered late, it is just… I don’t know if I am being paranoid. I just… Leah please don’t make me lose you, too.”  
We stood there for I don’t know how long. After Dean was calmer, he let go. He was too tired for research, so I grabbed some coffee for both of us and took him to the room Sam took me the other day, it was somehow relaxing. He walked towards the shelves slowly and grabbed a small bird made out of paper clips; he smiled at it and put it back.  
“I have never seen this part of the bunker before.”  
“I didn’t either, not until Sam showed it to me. It is sort of-“  
“Relaxing?”  
I let the air out of my lungs, I was being too nervous. It was Dean after all, he had been through worse, and he would be able to handle it.  
“I think today I overreacted, I can’t treat you like a kid, you are more than that, I don’t know why I always fail to see so. I have no right to keep you locked up in this place.”  
“I understand. I will let you do whatever you feel is right for a big brother to do. Let’s not talk about that. Sam told me things the other day in here. Maybe you should too.”  
“There are so many things left unsaid, where do I start?” He looked down. It was more a statement than a question. He wouldn’t ask questions he knew the answer to.  
“Where do you want to start?”  
He shrugged and smiled, it wasn’t the smile that could grow flowers, it was the painful one.   
“You know, I remember you. When you were a baby, I remember holding you in my arms. You were so small and fragile. In a mind of a four year old me you seemed like I could break you. I was so scared that I might break you, I still do. I am so scared to break you Leah. You grew up without us, without Dad. I don’t know if I can ever be able to fix that, but every time I look at you, you are stronger. Not just psychically, in every way possible. I fear that one day I will end up breaking you, shattering you, and it will be like a bomb going off. I guess that’s why I overreact.”  
“You won’t shatter me. You can only put me together Dean. You gave me a home, a family after all these years, how can you ever… break me?”  
“I don’t know. It is just this feeling I have. Call it being overprotective or being paranoid, but I am just scared to lose you again after all these years. I lost you once, I can’t have that again.”  
He paused, his voice breaking. I pushed the mug aside and made room for myself, wrapping my arms around him.  
“Who says I am leaving you? I am not going anywhere Dean Winchester. I will be right here annoying you, don’t worry.”  
He forced a smile. He was so close to me and so distant at the same time, I didn’t know how he did both at the same time. He did a lot of things at the same time, it sometimes seemed inhuman.   
“You can drive the Impala whenever you want you know.”  
“Are you seriously letting me drive? Even after what I have done?”  
“Especially after what you have done. Baby is my home, maybe. But you are my family, and a home means nothing without one.”  
“Dean, let’s not talk about not having family, that’s depressing.”  
“Our lives are depressing.”  
“Good point. But it doesn’t mean it has to be. Maybe if you could let the remorse and anger out, it wouldn’t be so bad, would it?”  
“I will take that as a compliment. Do you seriously want to be my shrink?”  
Calling it a shrink made it seem forceful; I wasn’t forcing Dean to talk. I was listening, if he wanted to talk.   
“Let’s not call it that. But I want to listen if you want to talk.”  
“Come on Leah, it has been more than a month, you know me. I am just not the type to share feelings with. I can listen, but all my life, nobody ever listened to me, understood me. I just don’t know how to do it. I think I am okay now, we should get back.”  
I silently nodded, I had so much to say to him but I knew he wouldn’t be listening to me. I fallowed him down the hall where Sam greeted us with a simple hello. They didn’t seem to be bothered by our absence. It was silent, what I had ran away from and it was here to haunt me again. I was used to silence, quiet nights filled with thoughts of Derrick getting hurt, quiet hunts where we feared to breathe, my whole life it had been silent. And I didn’t quite know how to change that. I looked at the shelves to see if we had missed something, but Sam shook his head. I knew they had gone over them at least twice. I sighed and pulled a chair next to Castiel.  
“You seem uncomfortable, is something bothering you except the fact we have been doing this for nearly a month and still couldn’t find a simple thing?”  
“Nothing is bothering me, I am fine.”  
“The way your body moves does not quite agree with you, you are fidgeting and playing with your fingers. I thought humans used it as a sign of not being in contempt, I will assume something is bothering you.”  
Dean looked up from his book and stared at Cass for a couple of seconds.  
“Cass, cut it out, we all are tired.”  
Although it wasn’t Cass’s fault, Dean had gone off on him again. I wondered how long it would take before he turned to his old self. We all hoped it wouldn’t take long. Dean was the one holding this together and honestly, without him we would have already given up. I hadn’t slept for 21 hours and I couldn’t help but close my eyes for a little while. Dean’s phone ringing woke me from my nap, I squinted until my eyes could get used to the light.  
“Who is it Dean?”  
He turned to phone towards me and Sam; 666. It was Crowley; I quickly got up, feeling a sharp pain at my sides. He put it on speaker.  
“Hello, boys, well, and ladies. How are you doing? Is Leah alright?”  
“Crowley, what do you want?” said Dean bitterly, taking a deep breath. He was biting down on his lip nervously, and that was enough to make me nervous.  
“I will say this one time squirrel, if you want your loved ones safe, give me the key. Or… I will not be able to contain my anger anymore. You know, I might have to waste the old drunk, he refused to give any information about your whereabouts, but you will have to come out, or you will have to come out to bury his dead body.”


	9. No Matter What It Takes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to leave Kudos, if you like of course. :)

Dan and Sam exchanged worried looks as Crowley hung up, this wasn’t good. The air around the room tensed, I felt a chill claw at the back of my neck, Cass was uncomfortable, fluttering his wings around us. Dean was taken by surprise, Sam was much calmer in comparison, and it was infuriating, how he could be calm at a time like that. Seeing Dean was enough to stress me, his shoulders tense, leaning against the table with his head down. It was scary, I feared he would lose himself, he didn’t. He looked up to Sam without changing his expression even slightly; demanding answers, knowing Sam wouldn’t have them.  
“We have to go find him.”  
“Dean,” he stayed quiet for a little while, not taking his eyes off Dean, afraid he might lose it any minute. “We know it is a trap.”  
“So?” He tried to seem nonchalant but he was failing miserably, he looked devastated. “We can’t just leave Bobby… Can we?”  
“You are right, we can’t. What’s the plan?”  
My throat tightened, they weren’t going to just feed themselves to Crowley, they couldn’t. I knew they wouldn’t listen to me.  
“I have a p-plan.” I hoped that they didn’t hear me stutter; they would think I was afraid, I was, but that wasn’t what mattered at the moment. The questioning looks of all three stunned me, all in synch, acting like one rather than simply three individual soldiers. I knew I didn’t belong. I wasn’t a soldier.  
“I will be the bait. While I distract Crowley with the false hope of the key, you three will get Bobby out.”  
Dean’s eyes widened, I knew he would say no. But there wasn’t a rule that said I had to listen to him. Sam looked confused.  
“You know he will kill you if he finds out that you are lying to him, right? Are you willing to go in there after what happened?”  
I quickly nodded. I wasn’t so sure of myself; there was always a possibility that I could change my mind. Dean just shook his head.  
“I am not letting you go in there.”  
“Well, I am not letting you order me to sit down and watch while you save the day.”  
Dean was taken back; he closed his eyes and sat on the chair wearily, he put his hands over his eyes, and looked up again. It was hard to tell what he was thinking, he just looked tired.  
“Leah… that’s suicide.” He was right, but it was better than not being able to do anything, better than having lost all hope. It wasn’t a good idea, but it was what we had. He nervously played with his hands; he was in fact, hopeless.   
“I know. That’s what I was trained for, remember?”   
“I promised Derrick I would keep you safe. I promised myself I would keep you safe. I can’t keep losing people I care about.”  
“Then make sure you waste that demon this time Dean. For the greater good, I don’t matter.”  
He slightly nodded and I forced a smile; all the courage inside me was used up to show Dean, now I didn’t know what to do with the rest. It dawned on me that I was actually going to get myself killed, but I pushed the thought away, now wasn’t the time. I left the room to get ready, leaving Dean and Sam to talk. When I came back, Sam was gone. Dean was drinking, I didn’t know what. He seemed numb beneath the mask of the strong soldier, that mask was long gone.  
“Should we say goodbye?” I pulled the chair across him, sitting abruptly. My hands clutched the sides of it, my knuckles turning white.  
“I would rather not.” He took a sip from his drink, not looking directly at me, not yet.  
“I knew this would happen” he paused searching for a sign of confusion, but I knew what he had meant. “I knew I would lose you.”  
“There is nothing you can do Dean, this is my choice. Maybe I will manage to run before he gets me. I am good remember…”  
“I don’t even know why I agreed to this is the first place. I could have distracted him, or Sam, or Cass, just someone other than you.” He said quietly, his voice breaking.  
“We both know Crowley wouldn’t believe you. He might think I was scared, I was. I am.”  
He gave me a worried look. He was pulling the concerned older brother card again.  
“You don’t have to do it, Leah. I… we will find another way.” He looked down at his hands, playing with his fingers, he seemed edgy.  
“Dean… look at me, will you?” I held up his chin and smiled. “I will be fine. I know how my story ends; it is either the edge of a blade or a barrel of a gun. If this is going to be my end, then let me save Bobby.”  
“Saving people, hurting yourself, the family business, right?” He laughed nervously, he breathed out shortly, allowing himself some time to think. “The moment I saw you at your house, I knew you were a Winchester.”   
I smiled, it was meant to be for Dean, but he looked away, I assumed it was intimidating for him to just sit back and watch me die. The silence grew louder; I ended up playing with the side of the lamp as Sam walked into the room.  
“I am ready, should we…you know… leave?”  
Dean got up a bit too quickly, leaving me dizzy. He nodded and walked past Sam without looking back. He gave me a sad smile.   
“You don’t have to do this, Leah. You don’t. I would do anything to make you stop.”   
“I know.”  
He gave me a small nod and patted my shoulder. After a while, I heard the familiar click of the door closing. Dean was gone. I tried to smile. All this time I had waited to do something worthwhile, this was finally it. I didn’t notice Sam laying his duffel bag on the table and sit next to me. I didn’t even look up to see his eyes.  
“I am proud of you. You are such a Winchester.”  
I nodded quietly.   
“Will Dean be… you know, okay?”  
“No. He won’t be. He will be devastated. I will be devastated. Everyone will, Leah. So… you should try to get out of there. You shouldn’t even go in there, but I know you wont listen. So if you are going, please survive.”  
“I will try to Sam. Why wouldn’t I?”  
“I have been there too. Sacrifice, greater good; those are familiar words to me. But one time an angel told me nothing is worth losing yourself, nothing is worth that. Don’t go in there. Castiel will find a way. You don’t have to—”  
“I know I don’t have to. I want to. Not because of the greater good or the hero crap, I want to because I want to save someone. That’s what we always do, every single day of our lives. Why is it such a big deal now?”  
He seemed startled. I let out a deep breath and picked up my bag. I hated moments like this. Moments that made me feel pathetic and childish. We were better than that. Sam seemed to understand, so he left without a word, leaving me wordless. I had nothing to say, nowhere to go, nowhere to hide and no one I could reach out to when I was scared. I had nothing, and that scared me more than the fear of dying in the hands of Crowley. I walked to the car in silence, didn’t look back. Dean looked down when he saw me, but pretended that everything was alright.  
“Do you want to drive?”  
I shook my head and seated myself in the back. I no longer had the courage to sit in the front and face Dean. He would say goodbye and look sad and make me feel guilty about my oh-so-noble sacrifice. I didn’t need that.  
They seemed to know where Crowley was, we arrived at the place in less than three hours. Dean turned around and faced me, holding my stare for a little too long. I opened my mouth to say something but he cut me off.  
“Do not. Say goodbye to me. Please.”  
I blinked, confused. I nodded quickly and got out the car. I slammed the door shut and walked up to Sam. He put his hand on my back, guiding me.  
“You know what to do, right?” I nodded again. I somehow lost my words, had nothing to say.  
“We will give you the knife. Use it wisely. If you get a chance to use it on Crowley, don’t hesitate. We will try to find you after we get Bobby.”  
It didn’t sound like a good plan. There would be too many demons for three of us to fight, but it was all we could do. After a while, it dawned on me.  
“Where is Castiel? Isn’t he going to help us?”  
He looked ahead of us, it was dark, I didn’t know what he was looking at.  
“He is inside; he will try to kill as many demons as possible. If you are wounded, call out to him.”  
I gave him a small nod and slowed down to catch up with Dean. He was looking down. When he saw me next to him, he looked up. I felt the strap of the duffel bag digging into my shoulder. I shifted uncomfortably.  
“I am sorry Dean.” His smile broke something inside me, for a second, I didn’t want to leave him.  
“No, don’t be sorry. Just... try to survive, alright?” His forceful smile would be carved into my memory until the moment I died.  
“You have to survive for me.” I looked up at him with confusion. “Can’t you see Leah? I am poison. People get close to me, they get killed or worse. I tell myself I help more people than I hurt; I tell myself I’m doing it all for the right reasons and I believe that. But I can’t… I won’t drag anybody to the muck with me, not anymore. So… for me…. You have to survive Leah. Do it for me, please.” I hated making promises I couldn’t keep but I nodded. I had to try, not for myself, but for Dean, for my brother. “No matter what it takes.”


End file.
